Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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