Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
