I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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