:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
