Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
