"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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