I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
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We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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