I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
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Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
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When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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