You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
