just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ugly people sure do ruin things
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
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