i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
