Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
