roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
