did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
