Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize