who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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