is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
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At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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