apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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