Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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