YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
