this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
