he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
