sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
