billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
