Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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