I wish I could teleport
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
