Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
