Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
