The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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