listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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