happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he just fucked me for my cheese.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
