And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
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I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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