Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
