dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
