By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
