He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
