I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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