Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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