so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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