sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
