she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm at about main and main street
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
