oh fat girl friday strikes again...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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