It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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