Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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