I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
