I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
