I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
