didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
