So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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