shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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