saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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