She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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