When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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