dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
