dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
