i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
