is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
