I am spending my child support on dildos
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Randomize
