I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
