Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He kissed a someone with a penis
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going