Texts From Last Night

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  (559): View more from California

  I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great

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  (559): I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great http://tfl.nu/r602
  Replies (5) Good night (2923) Bad night (555)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.

  (1-847): View more from Illinois

  whatever it's not my family

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  (847): this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment. (1-847): whatever it's not my family http://tfl.nu/qbfh
  Replies (1) Good night (2387) Bad night (721)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  i wish peter jackson would direct porn

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  (715): i wish peter jackson would direct porn http://tfl.nu/76vz
  Replies (14) Good night (3959) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  He told me they were just razor bumps!

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  (203): He told me they were just razor bumps! http://tfl.nu/2b3s
  Replies (48) Good night (1793) Bad night (24953)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand

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  (816): I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand http://tfl.nu/mvpq
  Replies (10) Good night (2278) Bad night (1125)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.

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  (619): Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance. http://tfl.nu/l10e
  Replies (5) Good night (1462) Bad night (1309)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Jesus, are you hammered?

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.

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  (701): Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus. (1-701): Jesus, are you hammered? (701): Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws. http://tfl.nu/johl
  Replies (26) Good night (4161) Bad night (1025)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..

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  (425): I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt.. http://tfl.nu/0vvh
  Replies (6) Good night (1025) Bad night (389)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  An artistic expression of her stupidity.

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  (919): what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding? (1-919): An artistic expression of her stupidity. http://tfl.nu/majp
  Replies (1) Good night (800) Bad night (390)
• Favorite

  (714): View more from California

  Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.

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  (714): Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/n1sj
  Replies (2) Good night (909) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party

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  (701): he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party http://tfl.nu/b7mb
  Replies (0) Good night (719) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check

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  (313): doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check http://tfl.nu/g53m
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (233)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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  (217): Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob? http://tfl.nu/m7ja
  Replies (1) Good night (625) Bad night (280)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went

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  (424): at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went http://tfl.nu/cfyi
  Replies (0) Good night (492) Bad night (299)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.

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  (419): she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home. http://tfl.nu/hho7
  Replies (2) Good night (231) Bad night (134)

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