I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.