First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?