i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
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