I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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