Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
