yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
