Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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