He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
