i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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