You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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