I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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