Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You ate ashes out of my bong
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
