Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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