i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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