I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
