Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
